why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
