Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
