Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
