hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
