Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
