My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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