just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
