she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
