Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
