I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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