Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
