i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
