Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
