Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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