he shaved USA in his pubs
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize