I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
