At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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