please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
