Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
