I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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