it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
