i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
