the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
