I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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