Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm always down for nudity.
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