ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
