did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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