I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I want her autograph on my taint
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
