He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
