roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize