man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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