I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
