im about as happy as oj after his trial
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
