i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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