Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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