What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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