I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize