It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
