Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
