some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
