No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
