just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
