i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
