flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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