nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
