i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
