i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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