Me. At least after what I've been through.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
