If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
