Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
