I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
