just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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