Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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