I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
