I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
