im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
