Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize