I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
