I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
