you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
