You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
