explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
