i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
