I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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