lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
