Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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