yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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