marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
