im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
