you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
